The curse of the flamingo

I had a very quick go at the first scenario in the Paleo Diet rule book last week so I thought I’d share it here seeing as it was an actual game and whatnot.

You’ll note from the previous post that I created a bit of background fluff for my main protagonists though that’s mostly for my own amusement since there’ll only be the odd game of it on here, (when the blog “content well” runs a bit dry for instance) rather than a structured campaign.

The scenario has four hunters who are trying to kill a single giant grazing animal. The hunters win if they can kill the beast with at least three of them left alive at the end to share the spoils. The only changes to the rules I’ve made are the conversion of the games set distances into hex approximations.

My Neanderthal group of six has a selection of different weapons and abilities but with the four I’m allowed in this scenario my strategy was to leave out the bow and simply set a fire that would drive the giant grazer into the path of a pre-prepared ambush. 

The hunt begins! Agg and Dave set off cautiously, trying not to spook Munches the most grass (for tis he) as they endeavour to reach an upwind position. Off on the right Igg and Egg sneak around the rear of the monster in the hope of finding a decent ambush site.

Agg and Dave manage to get upwind of their prey (red triangle shows wind direction) and Agg spots a combustible looking piece of scrub between the rocks.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, Igg and Egg set up an ambush on either side of the mammoths likely path of escape. Munches the most grass raises his trunk to sniff the air, sensing either the first wisps of smoke from Agg’s burning brand, or the explosive unpleasantness of Egg’s troublesome breakfast.*  

The scrubland catches fire immediately and Agg dances in orgiastic delight. He really does like seeing things burn. Dave watches on… more than a little troubled by his compadres unhealthy excitement.

The breeze carries the billows of smoke straight towards the mammoth. Munches the most grass panics and immediately stampedes away from the danger. (I rolled a 6 on the animal reaction table - which was the most extreme outcome possible). Recalling the shameful encounter he had with the Cromagnon depicted Auroch, Igg readies his new sedimentary cryptochrystalline chert tipped hunting stick and clasps his meaty hands tight around its trademark bark textured grip.

Munches bellowed as he rushed headlong towards Igg. (After mulling it over he'd settled on bellowing rather than trumpeting for this game by the way). Igg tensed, spear at the ready. 

As the oncoming beasts thundering feet shook the very air in his chest Igg suddenly caught a glimpse of a large pink bird with very long legs flying overhead… (yup you're going to have to go back a post and look at that cave painting again).

Wham… Munches trampled over the poor distracted Neanderthal just as the Auroch had done to him the season before. 

(I consider entering the same hex to be the equivalent of the games base to base contact. There was a dice roll to see if the hunter gets to jump out of the way or gets trampled. Igg rolled a 1 so got a mammoth tusk in the goolies for his trouble). Lol. 

Seeing his mate go down under the mammoth's powerful feet, Egg rushes out from between the rocks waving his club wildly. Munches veers sharply to one side and heads off around the trees.

Cradling his nuts** Igg scrambles to his feet and manages to stab the retreating backside of his massive assailant. Another two strikes like this would be needed to secure a kill by the way. 

Observing the trampling debacle and with the fire continuing to spread Dave runs back to the trees in the hopes of heading off the fleeing mammoth. Agg just wants to watch the fire of course, but reluctantly follows in Dave’s wake.

Dave came haring around the corner of the wood to find Munches heading straight towards him, with Igg and Egg in hot pursuit. The sudden appearance of enemies both fore and aft was too much for the fire crazed mammoth who switched from flight to fight in an instant.

This time Dave got the horn*** (well technically the tusk I s’pose, but you get where I’m coming from). Munches turned tail and shouldered the Neanderthals behind him out of the way before thundering off the board to safety.

And here they are. Not so much the wild bunch as the sorry looking bunch. As a result of being the most useless of the hunting party Igg got to role on the negative traits table and came up with "timid". For the next hunt he will suffer a -1 die modifier to any attacks he makes at short range. I suspect that once the Cromagnons get to hear of it there'll be another addition to that cave painting as well.

Having read the rule book through 300 times I still forgot most of the basics when it came to putting lead on the table. Although the rule book is logically laid out narrative wise, from an "in game" perspective there seemed to be a lot of unnecessary flicking back and forth. On the plus side the game took a mere 30 minutes to play through and looks like it'll be a good entry point for my grandchildren, if they can get over the killing animals thing. Ruddy woke kids of today with their rock 'n' roll and their winkle pickers...

Anywhoo, I'd best wrap this post up - my scratch built version of main engineering for the USS Cousteau isn't going to finish itself. 

We'll be off to north Germany for the next game by the way, so it's a good job I made all those bloomin' pine trees recently!

Toodle ooh

Disclaimer: No plastic animals were harmed in the making of this post.

*Yes, I’m doing fart gags now. I know right.

**Apologies, I’m feeling very low brow today. 

*** And inevitably I lower the tone yet further. Breeding will out in the end I suppose.