A hard days knight

Rather than continuing to whine like a bitch about how much I hate painting horses I bit the bullet and focussed on getting my French HYW mounted men at arms finished off this week.

Here’s a couple of piccies to chronicle my progress on the HYW and a new addition to the VBCW project.

Mounted men at arms - still musing about heraldry

Same bunch - riding into the sunset.

Another lot - of a slightly lower social standing

Obligatory rear view

The entire French mounted force. I think they look okay. 

Off on a tangent. The first of the VBCW new arrivals. I’ll probably magnetise the turret. I’m expecting a lot more VBCW goodness in the post next week. 

Straight out of the post box - an Empress Miniatures Lanchester 6 wheeled armored car for Oswalds lads.

Right I’m offski. Toodleooh.

Un échange culturel

I was taking to my neighbour Élodie last week about regional accents. She claims she has one, though like all things French it’s totally and deliberately imperceptible to the unsophisticated.

(Put your hand up if you can tell the difference between a three year and a four year old wedge of Comte fromage? Yeah. Thought not).

I rest my case.

Anywhoo one thing led to another and I suggested that in exchange for her making me speak French, I would introduce her to some proper regional English (rather than my perfect “received pronunciation” BBC accent - for which I’m famous). 

As an étranger (stranger) it’s nice to hear the occasional sentence in the dulcet tones of my hometown and though it’s been tough for her, our initial interactions now broadly follow this pattern…

Me: “Bonjour Élodie, comment ça va?” Kiss Kiss.

Élodie: “Ime oar roite tarr bab…” Kiss Kiss “Owsyure belly ferr spots these days?”

A charming and useful exchange should Élodie ever find herself in the West Midlands, I’m sure you’d agree. Of course she’s mighty chuffed with her new found linguistic skills and so we quickly moved on to the mastery of the traditional exclamation upon something going right.

Me: “C’est génial. (It’s great)

Élodie: “Iss bostin innit.”

With the basics under out belt we’ve now moved on to short useful phrases such as…

Me: “Élodie, pourquoi tu te prends la mouche?” (Literally and incomprehensibly - Élodie why have you seized / taken the fly? Apparently meaning Élodie why are you in a nark?).

Élodie: “Mark! Dohne nevah eat yeller snow, jew ear.”

Because of our runaway success with this I have written to the Wolverhampton tourist board asking if they can send any educational linguistic material they have on hand to help Élodie on her path to full fluency.  If I can work up a proper course I reckon I should ask the mayor if I can teach the kids at the lycée in Bourganeuf. Think of it, yours truly single handedly helping to heal the wounds of Brexit. I always knew I was made for better things than playing with toy soldiers and digging holes (my other specialty).

On the subject of toy soldiers (finally), my mojo returned last week - and we’ve agreed to work on our relationship through counselling. I’m allowed to paint toy soldiers on the weekend, for now…and if my “anger issues” improve we’ll take it one step at a time from there. 

Here’s some gratuitous pics of new arrivals and weekend painting that I’ll shamelessly use as click bait in order to get you to scroll through this screed of otherwise total nonsense. 

Horses. Aaaagh. The bane of my (hobby) life. Only another 10 French knights to go. Should be finished in 2027 or thereabouts at my current pace.

And the obligatory view from the back for those wishing to get their money’s worth. Not my best work, but serviceable.

New arrivals. The gun group for the first anti fascist section / squad. To the right is the platoon commander who I’ve decided to call Leonard.

The sections manoeuvre component.

Gotta love the detail. This bank clerk’s even brought his brolly with him.

Back view of one of Sarissa Precision’s destroyed city tiles. 

And the front view of the same corner shop piece. My BUF chap only popped into to get a packet of fags and look what happened. Told him not to spark up if he could smell gas. 

Toodleooh for now, mes amis.

 

Reasons to be cheerful (Part 3)

Kudos to anyone who gets the Ian Dury reference.

The last month has seen an awful lot of heat, an awful lot of sitting in hospital waiting rooms and a virtual halt to painting and gaming. I shall definitely look back at this summer as the month of three H’s.

I actually set out a whole table full of miniatures for my next Indian Mutiny game the other day but packed them all away again before even rolling a dice. Sometimes your hearts just not in it and it’s easier to leave things be until the mojo returns.  (It’d ruddy well better - I’ve got more troops coming in the post next week). 

Anywhoo in an effort to buck myself up a bit here’s a post covering a couple of things that are a definite antidote to my predilection for doom and gloom.

Friends.

I don’t have many. I’m too worried that people might steal my dance moves. Despite this, one chap who I do count as a friend organised a cartoon of me dressed as an East India Company Officer. Here it is for your delight and delectation. The moustache came out well I thought! 

Jokes

My youngest lad, who is party to a number of personal stories I’ve deemed too wacky for the blog, has become very concerned that his dad might be “losing it”. I’m sure he’d have had me put in care by now if I didn’t live in another country. Such concern is (largely) unfounded but it didn’t stop me engaging in a fairly long wind up when a tiny tattoo shop opened (for reasons that escape me) in a nearby village. 

Step one was to mention its opening during a zoom call with the lad in June. Step 2 was to obtain a stick on temporary tattoo from the interweb. Step 3 was to claim in July that my upper arm was too sore to finish the decorating in the hall. Step 4. The big reveal. I told him in August that I’d been a bit drunk in June and had had a random tattoo done in the shop. This was why my arm had been too sore for the decorating. I claimed that upon discovering my lapse the current Mrs Broom had been furious - but now wanted one herself. My son (who remember is convinced I’m going off the rails) was duly horrified when I showed him this…

Within hours texts began arriving from concerned grand children. Was I okay? 

The following weeks conversation with my son ran along the lines of how surprised I’d been that it didn’t hurt too much and that I’d seen an eagle one that’d go nicely on my back…

Must remember at some point to tell him it’s all been a joke!

New Toys

The joy of receiving something other than a bill in the post cannot be overstated. Assuming that I get to the post box before the contents revert to a puddle of lead I hope to be fiddling around with a load of Empress and Footsore anti fascist fighters in the next week or so.

Doing skirmish stuff with small units means that a 3 x 3 board might well suffice. Oddly the reduction in gaming area is going to require a heavy investment in suitable terrain. My British Civil War project will be a lot darker than some of the jolly hockey sticks ones I’ve seen so far so I’m going to need ruined buildings, a lot of ruined buildings. Having tried, and hugely failed, at making my own with cork tiles (hat tip to Keith) I’ve settled on this sort from Sarissa Precision for the ruins…

And this sort for the undamaged bits…

Despite my advertised lack of progress the first section of BUF thugs is now complete. Here’s an LMG team.

And here’s the manoeuvre/ rifle group…

All of my BUF troops have shiny black tin helmets - so I’m going to have their opponents refer to them as blackheads I think. 

Toodleooh.

Oh by the way, if anyone finds my mojo would they please return it by email. There is a reward. 

Butterfly’s and rabbit holes

Still plodding on with the HYW lads as you’ll see below but the butterfly predictably flapped its wings and I fell straight down what might prove to be an expensive AVBCW rabbit hole.

If they can put health warnings on cigarette packets then why not this sort of thing on websites selling miniatures?

The plan now is to spend the remainder of the year completing the units for the HYW but to also work on factions for AVBCW and a metric ton of 28mm urban terrain. Running games with my Indian Mutiny and VSF collection is sadly going to have to play second fiddle for a while so I can get this done. It should be noted that I’m slowly transitioning to 28mm since I now have room to play with this scale and they are the smallest usable (read distinguishable) figures if I ever make the leap into hosting my own zoom games.

The HYW will be on open terrain with the Never Mind The Billhooks rules, while the AVBCW stuff will be played out on distinct 4x4 boards using the 5 men at Kursk rule set. I’d originally chosen Lambshead’s dice less rules for AVBCW but they are quite lacking in section / platoon tactics and I’ve been impressed by some of the mechanisms in the Kursk rules. Oddly five men at Kursk caters for a lot more than 5 men and has bugger all to do with Kursk. 

Here are a few more pictures of the progress made since the last post. 

The French spearmen with pavises got a back row to fill them out to the required 12 figures.

Front view of another unit of French spears / town militia which has just rolled off the painting desk

The rear view as they run for the hills.

First six of the French men at arms. Easy to distinguish between the French and the English since the French do like a nice blouse. These guys need some mat varnish and flock on the bases. Note the banners carried here are intended to be « stiff » and they were made of buckram and such like to that very end. 

First three B.U.F. cabs off the rank. I think the sergeant is holding a Bergman SMG? I added a plaque below the lightning bolt sigil, upon which I intend to add « Britain Awake » or « Smethwick » since these lads are from the Smethwick Alarm Company. (Smethwick is in the West Midlands and is famous for its brewery and the fact the Oswald Moseley was elected as an MP there). 

And a back view…so I can pad the post out and make it look more substantial than it really is. I’ve gone for a gravel / tarmac base look since most of the gaming will be done in an urban environment. 

I digress. 

A major part of any rabbit hole I fall down is researching a new genre or period and it has to be said that 1930’s Britain was awash with fringe political groups - particularly on the right. Just as a taster this bunch is called the Kibo Kift. Google ’em up if you get a mo. 

They started as an arts and crafts / survivalist / nature spirit group and ended up being militant proponents of the Social Credit Movement, wearing paramilitary green uniforms and berets. Think angry scouts. They had the odd competitive tussle with Mosely and his bunch in the early days. 

Passionately held yet conflicting ideologies created a powder keg that could’ve created chaos both during the 1926 General Strike and the later AVBCW abdication crisis. The period is sufficiently interesting that I feel no need to pander to the more cartoony elements of AVBCW and I hope to keep it in a SCW sort of vein as far as possible.

It should be noted that some of the figures will probably do double duty in a future Sealion campaign too. Double bubble as Londoners used to say in the 80´s. Maybe. 

Oh I almost forgot, there’s loads of crappy, chock full of character, interwar vehicles I can plausibly field too. 

Like I need an excuse. 

Toodleooh mes amis.

Soon be Christmas…

That’s a cheery thought isn’t it. 

If you’re British it’d be best to get the sprouts on about now I reckon.

June’s HYW painting progress has been glacial, though an actual glacier would be very welcome around here at the moment, cos It’s….soooooo…ruddy…hot.

Okay these chaps are Perry 28mm French levy spearmen the front rank of which I’ve equipped with pavises in order to give them a vague stab at survival. 

When it came to a design for the front of the pavis I was a bit stumped until I found inspiration in my local towns 14th century defences. 

This is the Zizim tower in Bourganeuf. Built to house a captive prince, (like you do). It’s the right period too as it happens (the lovely cone shaped roof is a late 15th century addition). 

I get the feeling that progress will be modest on the HYW project given the weather, the number of units I hope to field and the current empty status of my wallet. What’s really needed while this ticks along in the background is a smaller scale skirmish type game that I can use with Mr Lambshead’s dice less rules. You know the sort of thing. 8 - 12 figures per side, bit of character development, ongoing semi campaign etc etc. 

No.

Stop it.

No!

Must stay focussed on the HYW stuff.

Okay we’re sticking to the HYW. Debate over. Good. 

With that settled I guess it wouldn’t hurt to just browse the internet a little bit, would it? 

I mean what’s the worst that could happen? I am, after all, renowned for my iron will…my ability to resist temptation…my erm…

Oh bugger. 

No one’s going to notice if a bit of cash leaks out of the household bills account, are they? Where’s the harm. I’m only stealing from myself when you think about it - and they do say your a long time dead. I mean, I could’ be knocked down by a bus tomorrow never having done 1930’s AVBCW. 

Oh the horror.

Toodleooh mes amis. 

…and this just in…

Excuses, excuses.

The garden has had all my focus this month, so there’s not been a lot of hobby progress. With that said it’s been glorious weather and good for the noggin to be outside with the chickens…of which more in a mo. 

As you can see below, I’ve completed the first English box of Perrys infantry and have moved on to the French. Slow progress and not my best work but they’re reasonable gaming standard and I’m still enjoying the painting process. 

An English ‘herce’ formation as described in Never Mind The Billhooks’.

A company of French crossbowmen - which I might deploy as two 6 man skirmish units.

Wokeness in the coop.

A few posts ago I put up a photo of two new Silkie chucks - sold to me as hens. Turns out that Edna (the white one) is actually a cockerel and wishes to be called Eddie from here on in. Mmmm. Our neighbour Marie Theresa has been mystified about my choice of chickens to date (not exactly major egg layers or practical birds in any sense) and having heard from the wife about Edna’s transformation asked…in French…

(WARNING -skip down a paragraph or two if you’re easily offended by graphic content)… 

‘if she could see my cock’. 

Yes really. *

Marie Theresa and I. The moustache is an absolute fanny magnet. I’m having to beat ‘em off with a stick at the moment. Well I am if they’re over 80 and French. Excuse the 1970’s lime green leather chair. I have a bit of a pash for seventies furniture. 

This alarming exchange came a week after the missus encountered the apparently pregnant 85 year old struggling up the chemin. The foetus in question turned out to actually be a canard sauvage (wild duck) that she’d captured on the pond at the bottom of her field. She’d stuffed it under her jumper (worn whatever the weather) so that it couldn’t see and wouldn’t know how to get home if it escaped. Very sensible. For those wondering how an 85yr old captures a wild duck, she claims that she charmed it with her singing and the same technique worked on a Canadian Goose last year. 

More crisp news

Stung by my criticism of the French crisp industry, French flavour scientists have sought to top their recent falafel flavour with these… I have to wonder where this endeavour will end (possibly me dying of a crisp overdose at 25 stone).

I’d better close for now. The Current Mrs Broom tells me there are some French Knights waiting for me downstairs. They could be the Perry ones I ordered of course, but you never know out here… they could just as easily be the real thing! lol. 

Toodleooh.

* I come from a working class ‘broken home’ in the West Midlands - so I find a degree of humour in such crudeness where folk of more refined sensibilities or better breeding do not. Apologies if you are one of the better sort. 

The dust up at Mansanar bridge

In this scenario the British need to capture the bridge across the Mansanar canal since the road across it gives the most direct approach to the besieged defenders of Salisbury house. 

In real life the mutineers beat the Crown forces on a number of occasions but were always hampered by poor command and brittle morale. In this battle I’ve attempted to reflect that - the mutineers have a bigger force, but, if the British actually get on to the bridge they will consider the engagement lost and immediately melt away.

They have deployed in a fairly random fashion around the canal bridge, intent only on creating a blockade of the garrison at Cawnpore. Morrisons mobile column trying to actually break out from the town comes as an unexpected surprise. 

All figures are Empress Miniatures 28mm and the rules used were The Men Who Would Be Kings. The British have 9 turns to capture the bridge before retiring to look for an alternative crossing point.

T1. Frobisher’s platoon enter on the lower edge of the board, moving at the double despite the heat. Ahead of them Mountjoy’s cavalry troop ride along the flank to flush out any hidden mutineers.

T2. Mountjoy’s troop find nothing to disturb the infantry as the canter past several potential ambush sites but just as they prepare to swing in towards the bridge itself…blammo… In the last position on this side of the board the dice revealed a platoon of the 28th Native Infantry who’d heard the cavalry coming. Mountjoy (whose die generated trait was short sighted) had succeeded in finding the enemy, though sadly with the loss of several of his troopers. The fire was from long range, so Mountjoy could not order a charge or return fire (he couldn’t see who was shooting) and instead ordered his men back the way they’d come.

T2. The men of the 28th let fly in a slightly uncoordinated fashion with their obsolete muskets, and cheer as several cavalrymen fall. 

T2. Secure in the knowledge that no enemy is present on their right flank the men of Urquhart’s platoon advance on the bridge along the central road - led somewhat superfluously by Colonel Morrison on his mighty steed - Maximus. 

T3. With their running shoes on (Urquhart is a fitness fanatic) the platoon managed to keep up with the colonel on his horse until they crossed the hump in the road and discovered mutineers on the ridge to their left.

T3. Oh bugger! A die roll revealed both potential ambush sites on the leftmost ridge contained mutineers. In the Indian turn the cannon and the shako wearing elite of the 28th fired into the British on the road. 

T3. The cannon fired and scored several hits. The chances of the leader going down are slim (a double 1 is required) so I rolled for it…and got… a double 1. Was this the end for colonel Morrison? Nope. The trait he’d rolled before game start was bulletproof bumbler so he could ignore the first hit. Perhaps the round shot took off his hat? Despite the musket fire from the soldiers on the hill he waved his sword and twirled his moustache to inspire the soldiers now pinned on the road. 

T4. Yet more of Urquhart’s men fell to musket fire and they became pinned again but the colonels moustache twirling was impressive enough to prevent them from running. Fearing for his short sighted leaders reputation Daffadar (sergeant) Kuldip Singh grabbed Mountjoy’s horses reigns and swerved the troop over the brow of the ridge towards the hurriedly reloading cannon. During the Indian portion of this turn another unit (of irregular horse) is activated on the bridge itself. All potential starting points have now been diced for so any unrevealed Indian units from their force pool can only enter the game from the far side of the canal.

T5. The Indian horseman charge off the bridge into the unsuspecting flank of Mountjoy’s troop. Brave Daffadar Singh and several others go down under the slashing tulwars but the fight doesn’t go the mutineers way and they are forced to retire. The rules allow for cavalry follow ups in this event so trying to catch up with some blurry figures he assumed to be his own men Mountjoy thunders close behind, his remaining troopers in tow. A second contact and skirmish causes the Indians to flee still further. 

T5. Still trying to catch those he assumes to be his own men Mountjoy makes it onto the bridge. The mutineers let out a collective moan of despair at the sahibs disregard for life and limb. Assuming he is protected somehow by the white queens magic they throw away their weapons and scatter. 

Game over and won within 5 turns! 

For a solo battle this turned out to be quite entertaining. I was convinced that the British would lose given the force disparity and the early casualties which pinned the assault force in place. The flukiness (is that word?) of the actual win and the fact that colonel Morrison should have been killed (except for his crappy character trait) made it a good, if fairly short, run out. 

So then the road is now open and Morrison’s mobile column is primed for a rapid march to Salisbury house. 

I think that calls for a quick huzzah don’t you? And perhaps a gong for Lt Mountjoy?

Huzzah!

Toodleooh.