The curse of the flamingo

I had a very quick go at the first scenario in the Paleo Diet rule book last week so I thought I’d share it here seeing as it was an actual game and whatnot.

You’ll note from the previous post that I created a bit of background fluff for my main protagonists though that’s mostly for my own amusement since there’ll only be the odd game of it on here, (when the blog “content well” runs a bit dry for instance) rather than a structured campaign.

The scenario has four hunters who are trying to kill a single giant grazing animal. The hunters win if they can kill the beast with at least three of them left alive at the end to share the spoils. The only changes to the rules I’ve made are the conversion of the games set distances into hex approximations.

My Neanderthal group of six has a selection of different weapons and abilities but with the four I’m allowed in this scenario my strategy was to leave out the bow and simply set a fire that would drive the giant grazer into the path of a pre-prepared ambush. 

The hunt begins! Agg and Dave set off cautiously, trying not to spook Munches the most grass (for tis he) as they endeavour to reach an upwind position. Off on the right Igg and Egg sneak around the rear of the monster in the hope of finding a decent ambush site.

Agg and Dave manage to get upwind of their prey (red triangle shows wind direction) and Agg spots a combustible looking piece of scrub between the rocks.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, Igg and Egg set up an ambush on either side of the mammoths likely path of escape. Munches the most grass raises his trunk to sniff the air, sensing either the first wisps of smoke from Agg’s burning brand, or the explosive unpleasantness of Egg’s troublesome breakfast.*  

The scrubland catches fire immediately and Agg dances in orgiastic delight. He really does like seeing things burn. Dave watches on… more than a little troubled by his compadres unhealthy excitement.

The breeze carries the billows of smoke straight towards the mammoth. Munches the most grass panics and immediately stampedes away from the danger. (I rolled a 6 on the animal reaction table - which was the most extreme outcome possible). Recalling the shameful encounter he had with the Cromagnon depicted Auroch, Igg readies his new sedimentary cryptochrystalline chert tipped hunting stick and clasps his meaty hands tight around its trademark bark textured grip.

Munches bellowed as he rushed headlong towards Igg. (After mulling it over he'd settled on bellowing rather than trumpeting for this game by the way). Igg tensed, spear at the ready. 

As the oncoming beasts thundering feet shook the very air in his chest Igg suddenly caught a glimpse of a large pink bird with very long legs flying overhead… (yup you're going to have to go back a post and look at that cave painting again).

Wham… Munches trampled over the poor distracted Neanderthal just as the Auroch had done to him the season before. 

(I consider entering the same hex to be the equivalent of the games base to base contact. There was a dice roll to see if the hunter gets to jump out of the way or gets trampled. Igg rolled a 1 so got a mammoth tusk in the goolies for his trouble). Lol. 

Seeing his mate go down under the mammoth's powerful feet, Egg rushes out from between the rocks waving his club wildly. Munches veers sharply to one side and heads off around the trees.

Cradling his nuts** Igg scrambles to his feet and manages to stab the retreating backside of his massive assailant. Another two strikes like this would be needed to secure a kill by the way. 

Observing the trampling debacle and with the fire continuing to spread Dave runs back to the trees in the hopes of heading off the fleeing mammoth. Agg just wants to watch the fire of course, but reluctantly follows in Dave’s wake.

Dave came haring around the corner of the wood to find Munches heading straight towards him, with Igg and Egg in hot pursuit. The sudden appearance of enemies both fore and aft was too much for the fire crazed mammoth who switched from flight to fight in an instant.

This time Dave got the horn*** (well technically the tusk I s’pose, but you get where I’m coming from). Munches turned tail and shouldered the Neanderthals behind him out of the way before thundering off the board to safety.

And here they are. Not so much the wild bunch as the sorry looking bunch. As a result of being the most useless of the hunting party Igg got to role on the negative traits table and came up with "timid". For the next hunt he will suffer a -1 die modifier to any attacks he makes at short range. I suspect that once the Cromagnons get to hear of it there'll be another addition to that cave painting as well.

Having read the rule book through 300 times I still forgot most of the basics when it came to putting lead on the table. Although the rule book is logically laid out narrative wise, from an "in game" perspective there seemed to be a lot of unnecessary flicking back and forth. On the plus side the game took a mere 30 minutes to play through and looks like it'll be a good entry point for my grandchildren, if they can get over the killing animals thing. Ruddy woke kids of today with their rock 'n' roll and their winkle pickers...

Anywhoo, I'd best wrap this post up - my scratch built version of main engineering for the USS Cousteau isn't going to finish itself. 

We'll be off to north Germany for the next game by the way, so it's a good job I made all those bloomin' pine trees recently!

Toodle ooh

Disclaimer: No plastic animals were harmed in the making of this post.

*Yes, I’m doing fart gags now. I know right.

**Apologies, I’m feeling very low brow today. 

*** And inevitably I lower the tone yet further. Breeding will out in the end I suppose.

A mammoth task

The Tribe had occupied their cave complex for more than twenty summers and had been happy there until the Cromagnons moved in nearby. They’d been able to tolerate the first few, but others quickly followed in their wake. The smells of foreign food and the noise of their never ending parties disturbed the Tribe at night and tempers soon began to fray. 

After one especially angry confrontation Ogg woke to find his cave entrance (no that’s not a euphemism) had been “tagged” with crude depictions of the Tribe’s latest hunting failure. 

Cromagnon graffiti. Apparently aroused and seemingly distracted by a flamingo, Ogg is depicted being trampled by an angry Auroch.

Ogg wasted no time getting “tooled up” to deal out his own brand of Palaeolithic justice but was given pause by the tribes shaman shrieking the ancient invocation “leaveimoggtitaintworthit.”

To find peace the Shaman knew the Tribe would have to relocate and to this end she instructed six of her best hunters to head North and scout for somewhere more suitable.

Meanwhile…

Things had changed a lot in the valley since Munches The Most Grass had been a calf. The snowdrifts had all gone, but in their place the herd now found themselves constantly beset by tiny buzzing creatures and the ever lurking fire monkeys. 

The old bull flapped at the little biters with his furry ears and ambled out of the shade of the pines to a spot where the sparse scrub seemed the sweetest.

Munches the most grass wanders out of the Forrest, struggling to decide if he should go for bellowing or trumpeting in the forthcoming game. Tough decision. 

Well that’s the fluff background I’ve settled on to back up the first Paleo Diet scenario from the rule book. The distances have been converted to hexes but that’s about the only change I’ve made. 

By the way, special mention should be made of dear old Kaptain Kobold, who’s excellent blog initially introduced me to the game a few years ago.

I’ll report on this game next week and I suspect that I’ll follow that up with a VSF game focussed on zee chermans. 

Behind the scenes I’ll be making Starfleet corridor sections this week and breaking my New Years resolution not to buy any more miniatures. I’m planning on getting back to some proper army style gaming with a manufacturer of miniatures I’ve not used before; so if anyone knows any good reason why this man and some Forged in Battle 15mm Arthurian miniatures should not be joined in holy wargamery, speak now or forever hold your peace. 

Toodle ooh 

WTF

The Tribe.

My latest gaming dalliance is with the excellent Paleo Diet Stone Age skirmish rules.

I can almost hear you saying WTF* Broom?! Where are the ruddy muskets, where’s the pikes? 

I know, I know, you didn't sign up for this nonsense (as was politely explained to me in an email by a recent ex blog follower!) however the heart wants what the heart wants and I guess in this day and age we all have to learn to live with disappointment don't we...besides Norm himself recently posted about subject matter drift - so I'm clearly in good company.

Anywhoo - should anyone out there still be reading this let me introduce the chaps I'll be using for my Paleo Diet hunting party. 

Igg: Quite a looker is our Igg, well that’s what his mom says anyhow. Igg has an eye for the laydeez and is currently trialling a new cologne of his own devising called… “hint of mammoth”.

Dave: Dave has a weird name and is often taunted by the others over his continual promulgation of conspiracy theories. Dave reckons that the Cromagnon’s and their so called “rock music” are somehow linked to the disappearing ice sheets. 

Ugg: A couple of Cromagnon boys gave Ugg this strange hunting contrivance - well they did when he agreed to stop strangling them. Now he’s got to work out how to use it.

Ogg: Ogg loves his new sedimentary cryptochrystalline chert tipped hunting stick. It sports the latest in bark textured grip control too. Here… Feel the weight.

Egg: Poor old Egg is a life long sufferer of explosive flatulence. Hunting parties have to ensure that Egg and Agg are kept apart where possible due to their potential combustibility.

Agg: Agg has quite a thing for fire. Quite an unnatural thing for fire come to think of it. If it burns…well you get the picture. Agg isn’t his actual name but it is the sound he makes when bits of burning tar drip off the branch onto his head.

It’s been a long old time since I’ve painted figures this big (32mm - Lucid Eye) but I think they came out okay. Both Ugg and Agg are fairly clumsy conversions to cover the requirements for characters wielding fire and a bow - but they sort of work. Before I can get to actually gaming with them I’m obviously going to need a selection of animals to hunt and be hunted by. Fortunately there are a couple of sources to obtain these from and the whole things very much an ongoing, when I can be arsed, type of project…so no pressure.

Toodle ooh!

* My grandchildren are very keen for me to encourage a younger demographic to the hobby through the use of "text speak". As a strong advocate of all things new (cough) I am of course very happy to oblige and am delighted to learn that "WTF" apparently stands for Well That’s Fantastic. 

Who knew?