A nut to crack a hammer

With the last of the house guests dropped off at the airport I’ve been able to get back on with some hobby related stuff at last.

I particularly wanted to test out the Never Mind The Billhooks rules now that I’d produced two starter forces. Given that I’m using Billhooks for the Hundred Years’ War the preeminent question to my mind was how strong English archery would turn out to be. With that in mind I set up a very straight forward encounter in the manner of Crecy etc to see what would happen.

One part of the NMTB rule set that I especially like is the ability to manoeuvre your units one at a time until someone shoots or engages in melee at which point the game and the random turn draw actually starts.

On the French side the Comte De Bourganeuf was in overall command, ably assisted by the Duke D’Aubusson. For the English the Earl of Runcorn and Sir Edward Grey headed up the rearguard - attempting to stop the French from reaching the retreating baggage train. 

During the manoeuvre phase I positioned my three French groups of cavalry directly opposite what I considered to be the weakest spot in the English line, a company of English spearmen unprotected by stakes. Knowing the English archers only had six shots each en masse I pushed two groups of skirmishing crossbowmen forward in order to inflict some casualties and hopefully soak up some of those English arrows. The plan was simple, draw fire with the crossbows and smash through the English line with my massed cavalry.

Initial French set up as described above. I did not like the range bands in the rules and changed them such that short range became twelve inches and long range was boosted out to twenty four. 

The French hammer prepares to crack the English nut.

Kiki the wonder cat inspects the troops prior to kick off. 

All was going okay until the French crossbows got a little too close and the English gave them a volley to end the manoeuvring phase and start the game off proper. 

The archers behind the stakes let loose and rolled well. The crossbowmen correspondingly rolled abysmally and the result was the entire unit was wiped out in a shower of arrows. Fortunately the loss of a skirmishing unit had little effect on the rest of the French army’s morale. Didn’t do much for mine mind you.

A bit shaken by the outcome I decided there was no percentage in trying to draw fire and so decided to get stuck in with my cavalry as soon as possible, fortunately the random card draw for the turn allowed them to activate next anyway. When activated via an order a unit can perform two actions. I chose to advance and then charge.

Sorry I had to sneak in a comment bubble.

And that was meant to be that. The might of the French cavalry should have just swept away the English infantry, armed as they were with a right old mish mash of hand weapons, but they didn’t. Both sides inflicted the same amount of limited losses and the melee became a stale mate. 

The second round of melee was another grinding match. The cavalry having lost all of their charge bonuses and re rolls were now at a distinct disadvantage. Again it was a draw so while both units became disordered neither side broke. I consoled myself that the archers could not fire into a melee and I bought up the second company of knights from behind to finish the job. 

Only 50% of the French first wave still survive as fresh reinforcements thunder up behind.

Thunder up they might’ve done but unfortunately the turn gods gave the next move to the Earl of Runcorn and his archers fired en masse into the approaching group of French nobility.

With their two actions the archers fired twice, at close range. Do not try this at home kids. The advancing French nobility went from eight horse to two in the blink of an eye. Ouch. In fairness the English rolled well and the French attempts at saving rolls were appalling. 

Sir Edward Grey was forced to ride over and steady the wavering English spears but the last two knights from the first wave broke and ran from the final third round of melee. Seeing the appalling losses I decided to call the game quits at this point even though I could have pushed on from a morale and fresh forces point of view. 

Other units were of course moving around on the field but in this brief “histoire” I chose to concentrate on the more cinematic aspects of the action.

And as it turned out, this time, the nut actually cracked the hammer! 

I’ve been working to a 1:10 troop ratio so the losses accrued in this battle were:

English. 60 spearmen and 30 archers (hit by crossbow fire).

French. 60 crossbowmen and 120 knights. 

Were the English archers effective? Yup very! I have to say that despite the outcome though they didn’t feel overpowered. The English rolls were good and the French were bad. Another wave of horse with the leader attached might have punched through. I’ll have to give it another go and see. 

Right I’m going to sling my hook and get on with painting that Lanchester.

Toodleooh for now mes amis. 

And now for something completely…err…

Soz, I’m  a bit of a one trick pony at the moment aren’t I? 

I’ve finally completed what passes for 2 x 128pt HYW armies. I shall naturally continue to add to them over time, but for now I think they’re good enough for a quick Billhooks test game. 

The English troops are the rearguard of a larger force currently retreating off board behind them. They are positioned across a gap between two thickly wooded areas through which any enemy intent on catching the baggage train will have to travel. 

The English force consists of two wards. One under a mounted commander is composed of a company of archers and a company of “spears” (a catch all name for hand to hand combat weapons of mixed types in this period). The second ward is commanded by a dismounted leader and consists of two archer company’s and a dismounted men.at arms unit  “en herce” as billhooks defines it. Both wards have deployed a limited frontage of stakes to protect themselves. If this all looks a bit “Azincourt” it’s because I want to test out the efficacy of the longbow under these rules. 

The French who’ve been in a fairly languid “pursuit” anre also composed of two wards. The first ward includes three companies of knights (one of whom is actually English but donated to the French to give them a greater chance, numerically, against the archers) while the second includes companies of crossbowmen, spears and men at arms.   

Our last bunch of family guests left behind a ruddy nasty bug (Covid?) that the wife and I are still struggling to recover from so despite setting this game up on the table it might be a couple of days before I get to play it. (Note to self - put all new rivals through a ruddy sheep dip). Still, lying in bed feeling sorry for myself will at least give me time to decide how the French should approach this I suppose. 

In lieu of anything else of note, the Lanchester has progressed beyond being a bag of parts…

…and this old timey lorry arrived from Sarissa. Choo choos next possibly. 

And finally… I’ve worked out how to add text to photos…

Toodleooh mes amis.

Wasted

This was going to be a post about my ongoing painting progress, but I’m feeling a little worse for wear and to be honest you’ve seen it all before anyway. We’ve had a succession of post school holiday visitors during September which put a dent in my hobby time and culminated in my brother in law beating me 4 wargames in a row. Jerk. He has a serious heart condition, so I told the wife I let him win in case he snuffed it. 

Desperate to catch a break from this continual drubbing I seized on the opportunity to help my neighbour Marie Theresa with her problematic ride on lawnmower. The machine in question is kept in her barn of mystery, into which étranger such as I are not normally allowed. Marie Theresa by the way is either seventy eight, eighty five or eighty seven - depending on the current phase of the moon. She remains married to the infamous Pradeix strangler (who she hates with a passion only a French women can muster) and who I was about to say is as mad as a box of frogs, which would of course be racially insensitive, so I won’t.

I actually never made it as far as the tondeuse auto portée because my access was blocked by an old hot water tank with a coil of copper pipe poking out of the top. My suspicions were quickly confirmed by the rows of bottles under an adjacent tarp. Seems my geriatric neighbour makes her own booze. Who knew? Well apparently not the gendarmerie. Perhaps in a bid to secure my silence I woke up this morning to several bottles of something disturbingly clear on the back doorstep. It smelled like drain cleaner. Hell it could be drain cleaner for all I know… but I’m always game for a laugh so when she came around at lunch time I shared a glass with her. 

An hour later I still can’t feel my lower jaw which is totally numb…and I have a splitting headache. Instead of the planned post you’ll have to make do with a series of loosely connected photos and some brief captions. Soz. Had a piccy of us raising a glass together but it’s on my phone and I’m buggered if I can port it across to my iPad. Not in this state anyway. 

Oh look it appeared anyway!

Cheers. 

Temu scatter terrain for 28mm urban VBCW battles. Hat tip to Keith for the heads up on this one.

Part of my birthday haul. Some lovely urban / factory type buildings for VBCW

Yet more urban gaming stuff from Sarissa 

How the hell did that get in here? Me getting my perm done. Confucius he say never post under the affluence of inkerhol.

This shouldn’t be here either. lol. Saw this 1948 Sonora 302 when I was getting my perm done. Decided to collect old French radios. Like you do. Ain’t she a beauty! This piccy is off the interweb - cos I was trying to identify it.

Ahh….back on track. 2 sections of VBCW anti fascists primed and ready for painting

Two HYW command stands - part finished. There’s another three knights to go on each of them to fill in the gaps.

Right, I think that’ll have to do me hearties. I’m going for a lie down. 

Toodleooh.

A hard days knight

Rather than continuing to whine like a bitch about how much I hate painting horses I bit the bullet and focussed on getting my French HYW mounted men at arms finished off this week.

Here’s a couple of piccies to chronicle my progress on the HYW and a new addition to the VBCW project.

Mounted men at arms - still musing about heraldry

Same bunch - riding into the sunset.

Another lot - of a slightly lower social standing

Obligatory rear view

The entire French mounted force. I think they look okay. 

Off on a tangent. The first of the VBCW new arrivals. I’ll probably magnetise the turret. I’m expecting a lot more VBCW goodness in the post next week. 

Straight out of the post box - an Empress Miniatures Lanchester 6 wheeled armored car for Oswalds lads.

Right I’m offski. Toodleooh.

Un échange culturel

I was taking to my neighbour Élodie last week about regional accents. She claims she has one, though like all things French it’s totally and deliberately imperceptible to the unsophisticated.

(Put your hand up if you can tell the difference between a three year and a four year old wedge of Comte fromage? Yeah. Thought not).

I rest my case.

Anywhoo one thing led to another and I suggested that in exchange for her making me speak French, I would introduce her to some proper regional English (rather than my perfect “received pronunciation” BBC accent - for which I’m famous). 

As an étranger (stranger) it’s nice to hear the occasional sentence in the dulcet tones of my hometown and though it’s been tough for her, our initial interactions now broadly follow this pattern…

Me: “Bonjour Élodie, comment ça va?” Kiss Kiss.

Élodie: “Ime oar roite tarr bab…” Kiss Kiss “Owsyure belly ferr spots these days?”

A charming and useful exchange should Élodie ever find herself in the West Midlands, I’m sure you’d agree. Of course she’s mighty chuffed with her new found linguistic skills and so we quickly moved on to the mastery of the traditional exclamation upon something going right.

Me: “C’est génial. (It’s great)

Élodie: “Iss bostin innit.”

With the basics under out belt we’ve now moved on to short useful phrases such as…

Me: “Élodie, pourquoi tu te prends la mouche?” (Literally and incomprehensibly - Élodie why have you seized / taken the fly? Apparently meaning Élodie why are you in a nark?).

Élodie: “Mark! Dohne nevah eat yeller snow, jew ear.”

Because of our runaway success with this I have written to the Wolverhampton tourist board asking if they can send any educational linguistic material they have on hand to help Élodie on her path to full fluency.  If I can work up a proper course I reckon I should ask the mayor if I can teach the kids at the lycée in Bourganeuf. Think of it, yours truly single handedly helping to heal the wounds of Brexit. I always knew I was made for better things than playing with toy soldiers and digging holes (my other specialty).

On the subject of toy soldiers (finally), my mojo returned last week - and we’ve agreed to work on our relationship through counselling. I’m allowed to paint toy soldiers on the weekend, for now…and if my “anger issues” improve we’ll take it one step at a time from there. 

Here’s some gratuitous pics of new arrivals and weekend painting that I’ll shamelessly use as click bait in order to get you to scroll through this screed of otherwise total nonsense. 

Horses. Aaaagh. The bane of my (hobby) life. Only another 10 French knights to go. Should be finished in 2027 or thereabouts at my current pace.

And the obligatory view from the back for those wishing to get their money’s worth. Not my best work, but serviceable.

New arrivals. The gun group for the first anti fascist section / squad. To the right is the platoon commander who I’ve decided to call Leonard.

The sections manoeuvre component.

Gotta love the detail. This bank clerk’s even brought his brolly with him.

Back view of one of Sarissa Precision’s destroyed city tiles. 

And the front view of the same corner shop piece. My BUF chap only popped into to get a packet of fags and look what happened. Told him not to spark up if he could smell gas. 

Toodleooh for now, mes amis.

 

Reasons to be cheerful (Part 3)

Kudos to anyone who gets the Ian Dury reference.

The last month has seen an awful lot of heat, an awful lot of sitting in hospital waiting rooms and a virtual halt to painting and gaming. I shall definitely look back at this summer as the month of three H’s.

I actually set out a whole table full of miniatures for my next Indian Mutiny game the other day but packed them all away again before even rolling a dice. Sometimes your hearts just not in it and it’s easier to leave things be until the mojo returns.  (It’d ruddy well better - I’ve got more troops coming in the post next week). 

Anywhoo in an effort to buck myself up a bit here’s a post covering a couple of things that are a definite antidote to my predilection for doom and gloom.

Friends.

I don’t have many. I’m too worried that people might steal my dance moves. Despite this, one chap who I do count as a friend organised a cartoon of me dressed as an East India Company Officer. Here it is for your delight and delectation. The moustache came out well I thought! 

Jokes

My youngest lad, who is party to a number of personal stories I’ve deemed too wacky for the blog, has become very concerned that his dad might be “losing it”. I’m sure he’d have had me put in care by now if I didn’t live in another country. Such concern is (largely) unfounded but it didn’t stop me engaging in a fairly long wind up when a tiny tattoo shop opened (for reasons that escape me) in a nearby village. 

Step one was to mention its opening during a zoom call with the lad in June. Step 2 was to obtain a stick on temporary tattoo from the interweb. Step 3 was to claim in July that my upper arm was too sore to finish the decorating in the hall. Step 4. The big reveal. I told him in August that I’d been a bit drunk in June and had had a random tattoo done in the shop. This was why my arm had been too sore for the decorating. I claimed that upon discovering my lapse the current Mrs Broom had been furious - but now wanted one herself. My son (who remember is convinced I’m going off the rails) was duly horrified when I showed him this…

Within hours texts began arriving from concerned grand children. Was I okay? 

The following weeks conversation with my son ran along the lines of how surprised I’d been that it didn’t hurt too much and that I’d seen an eagle one that’d go nicely on my back…

Must remember at some point to tell him it’s all been a joke!

New Toys

The joy of receiving something other than a bill in the post cannot be overstated. Assuming that I get to the post box before the contents revert to a puddle of lead I hope to be fiddling around with a load of Empress and Footsore anti fascist fighters in the next week or so.

Doing skirmish stuff with small units means that a 3 x 3 board might well suffice. Oddly the reduction in gaming area is going to require a heavy investment in suitable terrain. My British Civil War project will be a lot darker than some of the jolly hockey sticks ones I’ve seen so far so I’m going to need ruined buildings, a lot of ruined buildings. Having tried, and hugely failed, at making my own with cork tiles (hat tip to Keith) I’ve settled on this sort from Sarissa Precision for the ruins…

And this sort for the undamaged bits…

Despite my advertised lack of progress the first section of BUF thugs is now complete. Here’s an LMG team.

And here’s the manoeuvre/ rifle group…

All of my BUF troops have shiny black tin helmets - so I’m going to have their opponents refer to them as blackheads I think. 

Toodleooh.

Oh by the way, if anyone finds my mojo would they please return it by email. There is a reward. 

Butterfly’s and rabbit holes

Still plodding on with the HYW lads as you’ll see below but the butterfly predictably flapped its wings and I fell straight down what might prove to be an expensive AVBCW rabbit hole.

If they can put health warnings on cigarette packets then why not this sort of thing on websites selling miniatures?

The plan now is to spend the remainder of the year completing the units for the HYW but to also work on factions for AVBCW and a metric ton of 28mm urban terrain. Running games with my Indian Mutiny and VSF collection is sadly going to have to play second fiddle for a while so I can get this done. It should be noted that I’m slowly transitioning to 28mm since I now have room to play with this scale and they are the smallest usable (read distinguishable) figures if I ever make the leap into hosting my own zoom games.

The HYW will be on open terrain with the Never Mind The Billhooks rules, while the AVBCW stuff will be played out on distinct 4x4 boards using the 5 men at Kursk rule set. I’d originally chosen Lambshead’s dice less rules for AVBCW but they are quite lacking in section / platoon tactics and I’ve been impressed by some of the mechanisms in the Kursk rules. Oddly five men at Kursk caters for a lot more than 5 men and has bugger all to do with Kursk. 

Here are a few more pictures of the progress made since the last post. 

The French spearmen with pavises got a back row to fill them out to the required 12 figures.

Front view of another unit of French spears / town militia which has just rolled off the painting desk

The rear view as they run for the hills.

First six of the French men at arms. Easy to distinguish between the French and the English since the French do like a nice blouse. These guys need some mat varnish and flock on the bases. Note the banners carried here are intended to be « stiff » and they were made of buckram and such like to that very end. 

First three B.U.F. cabs off the rank. I think the sergeant is holding a Bergman SMG? I added a plaque below the lightning bolt sigil, upon which I intend to add « Britain Awake » or « Smethwick » since these lads are from the Smethwick Alarm Company. (Smethwick is in the West Midlands and is famous for its brewery and the fact the Oswald Moseley was elected as an MP there). 

And a back view…so I can pad the post out and make it look more substantial than it really is. I’ve gone for a gravel / tarmac base look since most of the gaming will be done in an urban environment. 

I digress. 

A major part of any rabbit hole I fall down is researching a new genre or period and it has to be said that 1930’s Britain was awash with fringe political groups - particularly on the right. Just as a taster this bunch is called the Kibo Kift. Google ’em up if you get a mo. 

They started as an arts and crafts / survivalist / nature spirit group and ended up being militant proponents of the Social Credit Movement, wearing paramilitary green uniforms and berets. Think angry scouts. They had the odd competitive tussle with Mosely and his bunch in the early days. 

Passionately held yet conflicting ideologies created a powder keg that could’ve created chaos both during the 1926 General Strike and the later AVBCW abdication crisis. The period is sufficiently interesting that I feel no need to pander to the more cartoony elements of AVBCW and I hope to keep it in a SCW sort of vein as far as possible.

It should be noted that some of the figures will probably do double duty in a future Sealion campaign too. Double bubble as Londoners used to say in the 80´s. Maybe. 

Oh I almost forgot, there’s loads of crappy, chock full of character, interwar vehicles I can plausibly field too. 

Like I need an excuse. 

Toodleooh mes amis.