Tuesday 22 June 2021

Secret weapons of The Crown - Part 1

The Martian invasion of 1880 caused the temporary abandonment of work on the London sewerage system as labour and capital were diverted to repair the extensive damage above ground. At the Queen’s request the sewerage systems designer and motivating force Joseph Bazalgette* was seconded instead to oversight of the enormous Vengeance Cannon project on Dartmoor. 

The shaft of the cannon, angled to fire at Mars and bored nearly a mile deep into the Devon granite was an enormous undertaking funded by public subscription but Bazalgette, now in his early sixties, soon grew disinterested in it and devoted an increasing amount of his time to mechanical rather than civil engineering.

Granted access to the intact Dollis Hill tripod he was the first to identify an electrical gyro stabilisation system which the Martians were using to provide balance during locomotion. His experimental reproduction of this system with inferior earth technology produced similar results on a three legged vehicle he named the Bazalgette Rambler.

The properties of gyroscopes had of course been known and observed since ancient times, but their apparent gravity defying effect always wore off when the gyro wound down. By supplying their gyroscope with a constant source of electrical power the Martians maintained its effect for as long as was needed. Trialled in a closed off section of Hyde Park the Rambler greatly excited Queen Victoria who immediately decided she wanted tripods of her own. Of course what Vicki wanted Vicki got, and after three years of secret development the first Bazalgette Armoured Steam Walker clanked out of its shed.

Powered by 1 x twin stack Cockcroft / Serpollet flash boiler producing 350 horsepower the “wobblers” as they became derisively known could manage a healthy 4 mph over a 5 mile radius but couldn’t really turn for toffee. High ground pressure on modestly sized feet meant operation on anything other than concrete was problematic and climbing even gentle slopes was always approached with enormous trepidation. On the plus side its high ground clearance meant most regular obstacles could be stepped over and its towering 40ft height gave a commanding view of the battlefield.






The crew of three included a stoker / engineer, a gunner / loader and a vehicle commander / driver - who due to the very restrictive interior of the hull was forced to permanently sit half in and half out of the top hatch. 

Armament consisted of 1 x 2.5 inch BL 7 pounder screw gun plus 1 x Gatling firing from a left and right sided sponson. Since only one of these weapons could be fired at any one time and ammunition storage was very limited, field conversions often deleted either the Gatlings or the screw gun.

Considering the Bazalgette to be a “dud” the Navy did not lobby hard for control of these Pocket Land Battleships and the Army, finding themselves a bit unsure about what to do with them as well, eventually created 2 new battery’s within a freshly raised brigade of the Royal Horse Artillery.

TTFN


*Special thanks are due to Colonel O’ Truth for highlighting Mr Bazalgette’s historic potential. His marvellous VSF blog is somewhere or other on the list to the right.

20 comments:

  1. Amazing. I never knew you so much about this topic. I never had you down as an AFV fan. For all I know you could name all the variants of the Sdkfz 222.

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    1. As far as I know there were only around 990 sdkfz 222’s produced, and the only difference between them during that production run was the armament was upgraded over time. Of course if you’re going to include the 221 and 223 or even, heaven forfend, the command version of the 261 well…

      Lol.

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  2. Splendid looking contraption! Delightful made up background too!
    Best Iain

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    1. Thanks Iain, the background is being built upon for a series of games I’ll be running in the weeks to come. I quite enjoy the story telling aspect of the hobby, even if it’s usually only to entertain myself!

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  3. Superb fighting machine, the sort of thing that the ‘Grumbler Boiler Company’ might be able to churn out at 50 per month.

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    1. Let’s hope the Grumbler Boiler Company can mate, my chaps are going to need all the support they can get if the Boche ever set foot in Blighty.

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    1. I’m glad you do mate, though I’m not sure any of us would want to actually be in one when the bullets started to fly. Lol.

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  5. This is wonderful stuff - I'm sure one of these things was playing in midfield for Scotland last night. Be that as it may, I'm really quite concerned about the underground Mars cannon - without thinking about this too carefully, it does seem that the thing would only line up once every few centuries, so they'd better arrange for a decent rate of fire when the moment comes. Just saying. I've been lying awake thinking about this. Hitler's monster gun for firing at London at least had the advantage that London would stay in about the same place, though they may well have pinched the idea from Bazalgette.

    Really enjoying these posts.

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    1. Ah yes the Vengeance Cannon. I suspect you have a point on the whole lining up thing, which is a bit of a worry, but remember the British public demanded the cannons construction - and the uninformed masses must be given what they want…even if it doesn’t make a lick of sense. I’m sure they would’ve complained that they were sick of so called experts and nay sayers pointing out the flaws in the concept. Don’t forget that on the plus side a lot of already wealthy government chums would’ve made a few quid out of the project - which surely would be unpatriotic to begrudge them.

      I got a bit lost on the maths of it all (considered only briefly I must add) having started not with the - would it actually hit Mars issue - but what would need to be fired from such a cannon. Turns out it wouldn’t have to contain any explosive, just be big enough and fast enough (if the equation for kinetic energy lost on impact is to be believed). I suppose that makes sense given the damage a decent sized meteorite could do to earth. On balance it seems possible that my cod victorians could actually knock the little green fellas out with a single punch, so long as they were prepared to wait for decades to make the shot and were prepared to lose most of habitable Devon during the firing of the beast. Lol. If you enjoyed this nonsense you’re going to love my nearly complete Kaisers secret weapon part two.

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    2. Professor The Right Honourable HG Wells states in his history of the Martian Invasion that the enemy fired off at least ten missiles at this glorious world while the planets were last at their closest… I imagine with a British built weapon that rate of fire could cause considerable unpleasantness.

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    3. God help me Aly, I’ve looked into this a bit more closely since the post was finished. I reckon any launch from Earth to Mars would destroy the “gun tube” (and a lot of the surrounding area) in only the first shot. They’d need a lot of guncotton to fire something big enough give the little green buggers a headache - that’s for sure!

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  6. Such splendid madness sir…
    At speed it must be like fighting in a milk churn…

    All the best. Aly

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    1. Spot on description…”splendid madness”. Fighting in a milk churn…love it.

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  7. Wonderful stuff JBM, thought you had been at the Welsh Weed for a moment there. Sort of HG Wells meets Hawkwind, I like it and I look forward to reading more.

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    1. Now there’s a mashup for you! The only weed I’ve seen out here is Sea Weed - and I wouldn’t fancy smoking that…

      Then again…

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  8. An unusual and wonderful secret weapon, great job and presentation!

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    1. Thanks Phil, I’ll be back to more usual fare shortly!

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  9. Wow - this is even more impressive than the earlier Kleine Dampfpanzerwagen and the way the branch of the armed forces responsible for its operation was decided rings 100% true! Youi have a very active and entertaining imagination!

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    1. Thank you mate…I’m afraid there’s more cod victorian shenanigans on the way shortly, and a few more secret weapons to reveal before we can have ourselves a second Martian invasion or even a Prussian one for that matter. Drop by again if you get a mo!

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