Operation Fish ‘n’ chips. The batrep

So then, to the game. After two turns of the ten it took to complete I’d stopped taking notes and at least on one occasion forgot to take any pictures. This doesn’t help when reconstructing a narrative but it does point to the fact that I’d become quite involved in actually playing it rather than wondering how to present it to an audience.

I’ll do my best to explain what was going on with the photos I have to hand, in my usual Broom Battle Picture Library (pat pending) format.

Unfortunately the password had been changed to “the cats pyjamas” and feeling he’d been rumbled Eric Hartwell in the driving seat pulled a pistol on the guard. With a cry of “blackheads” (the derogatory appellation applied to the BUF because of their black Brodie helmets) the sentry ran into the woods bordering the road. Conveniently out of sight in the picture, the second guard Jim Barclay fires his shotgun into the trucks engine, wrecking it, before jumping over the fence and out of sight. The shocked BUF boys immediately debus, but by the time I took the photo they’d all recovered their dander apart from Hartwell. By the way - Anyone know what the collective noun would be for a bunch of fascists? A Musk, perhaps?

Hearing the commotion, Malcolm Laidlaw the BLDV section leader runs to the phone box to alert the town council while way back in the distance the boys not currently on stag drop their copies of yesterdays Brompton Bugle or Picture Post and grab the Lewis gun.

Faster than a thousand greased gazelles (a unit of motion used by my former TA corporal) the BUF lads sprint into action. The lmg team run into the woods chasing the fleeing sentry,  hoping to set up on a covered flank. Action group leader Eric legs it after Dennis Clark a very gung ho Smethwick lad carrying his groups standard. (Eric rushed to be alongside Dennis not because of any inherent heroism but because Eric has the trait “bodyguard” - which means the first hit inflicted on him would automatically pass to an adjacent friendly character - if there was one). Better to be safe than sorry eh.

BUF corporal Ray Hughes is armed with a Bergman smg and a grenade. He fans out to the left of the road, blissfully unaware that on the other side of the fence he’s hiding behind are several hundred gallons of petrol. Careful with that grenade Ray!

The Brompton boys begin to close in from all directions as the BUF advance cautiously.

The Brompton lmg team take up position covering the water tower across the road.

And then it all kicked off. Jim Barclay stepped out from cover (top right) and let fly with his shotgun, and missed. Fortunately Malcolm Laidlaw the Brompton leader was now on the scene and fired his trusty Webley revolver. (Feel free to cry blam blam or some such at this point. I know I did). Ray’s side kick collapsed under the fusillade and in a panic Ray returned fire with the Bergman, his shots going everywhere until the clip was empty. Bugger. As a side note I’ve been using AI generated and laminated flats to signify a figure is prone, rather than tipping the models over and potentially scratching the paint. Black uniforms for the BUF and Khaki for the Brompton boys. The grenade counter is just there because the character was carrying it so it’s a reminder that it’s available to be picked up.

Hartwell and the standard carrying chap make it to the water tower as the opposition close in from all directions. Alf Bingham gets in a sneaky shot at the BUF leader which so shocks the man that he apparently waves to his assailant in response. 

Meanwhile back by the fuel drums and now with an empty gun Ray struggles to reload, watching helplessly as shotgun toting Jim Barclay advances for the coup de grace. 

The BUF lmg team set up on the fringe of the woodland but the weapon jams almost immediately and they come under a withering fire which causes shock and wounds, rendering them ineffective for almost the balance of the game.

Plucking up courage Alf Bingham rushes Hartwell who’d ducked back out of sight. No Alf. No! Close combat in FFOL is pretty brutal. Apparently Hartwell’s raised hand is not just a salute but a fearsome karate chop. Alf goes down wounded and to add insult to injury Dennis comes round the corner and bashes his head in with the group standard. Ouch. Don’t think he’ll be walking that one off.

Back at the ranch, sorry back by the fuel drums, Jim is having problems with his shotgun so Malcolm and his webley move in to finish off the BUF corporal. 

Unfortunately Malcolm’s timing was pretty poor because the corporal had just managed to reload his Bergman. The card activation was in his favour and he let rip  (I’ll pause the narrative for a second so you can make a machine gun noise too if you’d like. I settled on brrrappp, brrrrappp if it’s any help). Anywhoo I don’t suppose the sound mattered much to poor old Malcolm who went down like wet raincoat falling from a coat peg. 

Ray didn’t get to enjoy his moment of triumph for long though because Jim’s shotgun scored the equaliser. If memory serves, which with me it usually doesn’t, we’re now at two out of the fight figures a piece. A phrase like “there’s still everything to play for” springs to mind, but I won’t use it since seems wrong in the context of a life and death struggle. I should probably explain that I’m taking this contest so seriously that one in three of the losing side will be beaten into an unrecognisable lump of lead with a hammer, during the post game wash up.*

The BUF lmg team continue to take hits but finally get the gun working again despite their growing number of wounds. Could they finally get the last required “out of the fight” result? Erm… as it happens…nope. Eric Hartwell and the bloke with the standard climb through the water tower window to find cover inside. If another Brompton man bites the dust then the BUF will have won…with the addition of an extra point for occupying a building. Good thinking Eric. You might have sold the lowest number of ladders at the Droitwich ‘35 ladder expo but clearly you’re a tactical genius. Flushed with success Eric chucked his one and only smoke grenade out of the window and ordered Dennis and his banner to stay put. His mission now was to rally the remaining troops and get that last “out of the fight” result. Under cover of the smoke he ran from the building ignorant of the fact that the smoke had also prevented his lmg team from securing a potential kill shot…and the game.

With the smoke still spreading the BUF troops retire to regroup on the board edge. Maybe they can still get that last “out of the fight” result and win the game from a less exposed position. 

Stepping over Alf’s body the Brompton men cover the water towers door and windows. Unwilling to risk another close combat (which with a bad result could’ve handed the win to the BUF, even at this late stage) they shouted for the enemy inside to surrender. The rules don’t cover this (we’re free styling here), so I rolled a dice. Denis came out with his hands up. Though not injured (yet) Denis is effectively “out of the fight” so I called the game in Brompton’s favour as per the scénario victory conditions.

“Right chum, you’re coming with us.”
I’d like to report that Dennis was treated fairly in accordance with the laws of war etc. But I can’t. I suspect that his standard might have been shoved where the sun don’t shine. 

So there we have it. The BUF limp off board to lick their wounds and the Brompton boys get 3 points for the win. The towns medico will now be employed to determine the outcome for those who fell in the battle…oh okay not really I’ll just roll a dice, like the Gods seem do with us.

I had a hoot playing this - the outcome being a damn sight closer than it might appear from the narrative.

Hope the wall of text and endless stream of photos wasn’t too onerous and if you’ve made it this far, cheers. You could leave a nice comment below if you’d like, but to be honest a fiver in the post would be more welcome.

Toodleooh

*only joking of course but the lads didn’t know that. I think they fought harder as a result.