The comeback kid.

Yes, it’s me the comeback kid, and I’ve err….comeback. I wanted to insert a sound file of a trumpet fanfare at this point but all I can afford at the moment is a gif of an old man tooting out land of hope and glory on a kazoo, or an old woman farting the opening bars of rule Britannia, so I don’t think I’ll bother.

Back earlier than expected I know, but some of the things I knew would stop all hobby activity medical wise have been put back until October (ish), pending further tests.

The building work chez moi is finished and only came in at double the budgeted amount. ((Sigh). My elderly neighbour Marie Therese had previously pointed out a patch of rough plaster in our adjacent cottage that she claimed had been a doorway between our two properties back in the day. 

That’d be an old doorway with a pre existing lintel and easily chopped through rubble infill, of course.

Shame that when it came to it, it wasn’t actually there…or anywhere else for that matter. “Mmmm” said Jean Phillipe, having chopped all the plaster off the wall in search of it. Did I want to carry on? The little voice in my head that sometimes tells me to kill postmen said, “Nah, If you could just stick all that rubble back up where it came from I think we’ll call it quits eh? Oh and here’s a tenner for your trouble.” Fortunately I ignored my inner voice like the doctors advise, but instead I started to laugh. I was still laughing when the wife led me away for a little lie down. 

Instead of the aforementioned easily chopped through rubble in a former doorway we were met by a 1m thick granite wall that took two men three days to cut through. If I was of meaner stock I’d go round Marie Therese’s house and bust her upside her head with my pimp stick, or some such. Still, the wife encouragingly said that if  I go back on the game I should be able to settle the bill for the work in ten years or so, so no harm no foul I guess.

As I whinged on about during my previous break in radio silence, it’s been too hot en general for painting so in the the few precious hours when I wasn’t lugging tons of rock down to the bottom of the old jardin (and crying into my tea) I did a bit of play testing with my Bundooks Indian mutiny rules. 

Given they were all my own work I actually had some fun with them but when I tidied them up and passed them over to a couple of mates to review they found every chink in my logic and every spelling error I’d become blind too. Doh. I’m not sure I can thank them enough for their general patience and indeed the constructive criticism that has made version 3167 soooooo much better, but I’ll have a go. Cheers chaps, I’ll buy you a pint of crème de menthe if my spot the ball entry ever comes up good.

As a final test my lad is coming over in September and if he finds no issues I might go as far as to put them on Wargames Vault, who knows? Objectively I’ve deffo bought worse in the past ((coughs - Victorian submarine warfare)) and obviously in my current fiscal circumstances I can’t turn down the chance of making my first million by Christmas, now can I? Besides, it’ll be easier than standing in fish net stockings all night doing favours for sailors. I mean, these rules are hex based, 28mm, platoon level, in an obscure period with expensive models. What’s not to like, apart from hexes, obscure periods, and expensive models? Watch out Lardies, watch out Warlord, I’m coming for ya!

Lol.  

Enough.

Here’s a game I played last week called “Rumble at Rangpur.”

They might be the famed Hodson’s horse, but meh, I’m an infantryman at heart so they’re just donkey wallopers to me. Nice opening piccie thought to act as blog style click bait.

I’d be the first to agree that an essential component of any good rule set is that players are forced to make decisions of import throughout the proceedings, however I’ve taken this a step or two further because I require my players to do the best with what they’ve got, and what they’ve got isn’t always what they need.  It isn’t everyone’s cup of tea I know, but how many commanders in real life have the right balance of units, perfectly positioned for a task they knew in advance that they’d be given?

First off there’s always an attacker and defender, which is a bit binary maybe, but it keeps things simple. The winner of a D6 roll gets to decide which they want to be. In this case the Indian player rolls highest and chooses to be the attacker, ensuring he gets more points to spend on his force construction than the British player.

Next, the attacker and the defender are both dealt (in secret) a playing card that determines their leadership characteristics. This is admittedly a bit contentious since it forces the player to adopt one of four different military mindsets, and the rules of engagement that your men have been trained to follow. Despite choosing to be the attacker our Indian commander has been dealt a heart which characterises him as either a bumbler a coward or a drunk. He won’t be able to activate all of his forces in a turn and both him and his command unit will run away (which may be a blessing) if effective fire is brought to bear on them. The little red tab marked “bumbler” is slid under his base to remind me of his status.

The British player goes through the same process, again in secret, and it turns out he is “savvy”. His guys are trained to use firepower over melee and he gets an extra chance at activating a unit every turn.

Still not knowing what he’s got to achieve the Indian attacking player now has to choose the forces he’s going to command in whatever fate throws at him. He has thirteen points and here’s what he chose.

The plucky Brit only has nine points as the defender so he chose these chaps:

Sadly I don’t have eight armed civilians (yet) so the bunch on the right have four armed manservant’s to pad out the numbers.

Terrain set up is done only by the defender (who doesn’t know what the attackers mission will be) and one of its prescriptive rules is that there must be a building, bridge, road junction or hill in the middle of the board as well as a cap on the number of hexes that can be covered by terrain overall. 

For this mission the British player chose to deploy a fortified customs house in the centre of the table and a metric ton of fish tank jungle. 

The last playing card drawn (three pictures up - 7 of diamonds) decides the mission that the Indian player, as the attacker, has to undertake. It turns out his mission is “breakthrough” and all he has to do is get one unit off the British players board edge. Simples. Naturally he’s not about to tell the British player what he needs to do.

The final bit of pre match buggering about is deployment. The defender deploys all of his forces anywhere on his own long board edge, while the attacker draws another playing card that limits him to certain portions of the board and even on some occasions allowing units to come in from the side. 

Plucky British defenders deployed along their board edge, with the cavalry on the more open flank. The civilians could have been deployed anywhere on the board, and in hind sight sight I should have put them in the building, but hey ho. Changing your mind afterwards because no one’s around to see you do it is still damned bad form in my book. 

Our Indian player found himself limited to the centre and right flank of his long board edge which meant he couldn’t squeeze everyone in on turn one. His cavalry were kept back and left to deploy when the British player had fully revealed his hand.

The Indian player is squeezed into the centre and right flank of his board edge with no room for his cavalry just yet.

Finally… after all the attackers units that could be deployed had been deployed the British defender is allowed to move one of his units to somewhere else on his board edge so long as their is space to accommodate them in contiguous hexes.

When described in detail this process sounds awfully long winded but I’ve managed the entire process in less than ten minutes every time, which I don’t think is too bad. 

Now then. Because you’ve all been very good and sat nice and still throughout, I’ll end this post here and run through a few aspects of the game itself next time. Soz if it was all about nerdy and boring…but face it we’re wargamers and boring and nerdy is what we do.

P.S. Peter Pig has always encouraged us to play the period not the rules so to settle disputes in a period correct manner I suggest punching each other in the face until a resolution is obtained (might being right) rather than any namby pamby dice rolling nonsense. I’m thinking of adding an in game combat bonus for anyone with mutton chops or a handsome moustache too, for what it’s worth.

lol

Laters potaters 

JBM

It ain’t arf ott mum!

I know, I know, I’m not scheduled to be posting again until September but this blog has always served as a sort of aide memoir as much as anything so I’m taking this opportunity to record a few things while I’m stuck in the house with bugger all else to do. 

The temperature outside is currently 41 degrees and no meaningful work is possible for folk of a northern hemisphere persuasion. My paint drys on the end of the brush before I can apply it to a miniature and even if it didn’t the heat has currently sapped all enthusiasm for the endeavour. About a month ago I was constantly cutting the ever growing grass. If I dared venture out today I could probably just sweep up its crispy brown remains with a dustpan and brush.

Despite an abundance of time on my hands the slow pace of deliveries from blue moon means I’ve only managed to complete the one 15mm ECW regiment (sans flag) during the relative cool (22degrees) of the last few nights.

Since this is meant to be a wargaming hobby blog, here’s some piccies. Not my best work, but under the circumstances they’ll do.

I have to confess that I’m considering doubling up on the unit size, despite the consequences to the wallet and the time scales of completing two pocket armies. They would still all fit in my hexon hexes and the sight of 36 pike per battalia might be worth it. We’ll see. In any event next up will be a couple of troops of horse, should the great deep fat fryer in the sky spare me.

Thankfully a few none painting hobby bits and pieces are nearing completion in this enforced downtime. First up is an ECW midlands campaign adapted from my previous ECW ones, requiring no actual miniatures to resolve, but which does involve actual hand to hand combat! Here’s a sneak preview of the map over which the “action” ((coughs)) will take place.

Still under rigorous testing but nearing sign off as “done” is this hex based 2d6 driven home brew Indian Mutiny rule set. I do like me a nice bell curve. Further info forthcoming soonish.

On the amusing French anecdotes front I’m afraid I only have this brief offering. 

“Yum yum pigs bum apple tart and chewing gum,” as we used to sing in primary school.

Marie Therese, wife of the Pradeix strangler and owner of our hamlets secret eau-de-vie still, brought round “this” a week or so ago. I’m not sure its repulsiveness is adequately captured by the photo but by way of explanation it is a “meat” product preserved beneath a two inch layer of fat. It was bottled in 2019 according to the (very) faded label, so I suspect it may be a little past its sell by date. Mmmm. Authentic Creusois preserve or stolen forensic evidence from a motorway pile up. Who can say.

In fairness this latest offering was a replacement for a 2018 jar of the same thing that I erm “accidentally” dropped while showing the wife something I was convinced was an eyeball concealed in its depths. 

I’ve a feeling I’m probably going to have to taste this in her presence and make lots of yum yum noises. It’s hard being étranger I can tell you, 

Okay I’ll be off to put some ice cubes in my pants now. Needs must when the devil drives, eh. 

Catch you later.

Have a Kit Kat

Some of you might remember the old Cadburys advert…Have a break, have a Kit Kat? 

Can’t get hold of a Kit Kat over here…but I can take a break…which is exactly what I’m going to do for the next few months.

We’ve got the builders in shortly, knocking a way through from the cottage to the barn, and that means precious little hobby money for the balance of the year. Hey ho. First world problems to have and all that. Truth is, the wife is finding it increasingly difficult to use the upper floors these days and with more spinal surgery on the horizon that’s not going to get any easier. What used to be the gîte will now become a downstairs living room (our main one is upstairs to take advantage of the view) and a downstairs bedroom she can use if her condition worsens

On the hobby front, the first batch of blue moon ECW lads finally turned up as you can see below and as usual the conundrum  becomes one of basing. My old 15mm collection from PP was based on 8cm stands, but here I’m experimenting with 4cm bases so I can put them in column on my hexon roads. There’s 60 figures to a battalia here which hopefully gives an impression of “heft,” or at least it should do when I add the pikes to the pile block. Lol. The steel watchamacallit miniatures samples arrived several days before the blue moon stuff and crikey they’re tiny. Beautifully sculpted. But like I say ruddy tiny. They actually put me more in mind of my 10mm Pemdraken AWI collection than anything. I’ll consider that a bullet dodged.

Here’s the boys in column. Don’t judge me on the state of the desk.

And here they are in line. Note they’re only stuck down with blue tack at this point. 

I was so chuffed with my previous AI portrait in East India Company uniform that I asked for another as an ECW officer. In the interests of authenticity I gave chat GPT a more up to date photo in which the old barnet has gone the way of all things.

Declare Sirrah! Be ye for King or Parliament? I consider this proof, if proof were needed, that the internet can be usefully explored for other things than porn or cats. 

Testing of my Mutiny rules continues as you can see from the picture below. So far there hasn’t been any significant revision work required - which is encouraging, or worrying depending on your viewpoint. 

Company lads from the 64th storming a sepoy position.

I plan to come back to the blog in late September when I’ve got something hobby wise to actually write about, so in the interim I hope you all have a belting summer and get to kick back yourselves at some point.

Toodleooh.

P.S. Since I won’t be about to remind you, don’t forget to put the sprouts on to boil in July. 

By Jove it’s Bundooks & Bayonets

I intimated last time that this post would be about the currently unloved ginger headed step child of my collection, ie my 100YW collection, but sadly, I lied.

Instead, and perhaps in compensation, I bring you some Indian Mutiny fodder. 

They say you can’t polish a turd…which is undoubtedly true, but you can of course always roll it in glitter - which is the approach I’ve just taken with a set of rules I wrote last year for the Indian Mutiny. They were almost erm…good. Almost. Tantalisingly close in fact…but while I grew disillusioned with them I failed to delete them off my computer in my usual fashion.

Which has been a blessing.

Because after months of dicking around with published (and very well regarded) rule sets, I’ve finally circled back to mine and might, just might, have something I’m happy enough to play actual games with. Are they perfect…nope…but they’re close enough for a paddy as my racist father would have said. 

To be clear the journeys been a long one on this particular front, and my experiments to date have included, 

1. The Men Who Would Be Kings. Great for general cinematic colonial adventures (which I love) but they really shine when fighting uncountable waves of savages who are happy to feed themselves into your Gardner guns arc of fire armed only with a kiwi fruit. 

2. The Sword and the Flame. Very old school (50yrs?) As difficult to get your hands on as a pair of elephants testicles, but once I had them I found I hated the close combat rules. Doh.

3. Sharpe Practise 2. An excellent set I cant honestly criticise. Sadly there’s too much detail in there for my drug befuddled brain to remember. It served as a constant reminder that I really am losing it and sort of took the fun out of proceedings. 

4. The Devils Wind. Sorry but I can’t get past that it sounds like the aftermath of a bad jalfrezi. 

5. Fist Full of Lead Bigger Battles. Almost. Almost. Probably came to these too late. I’ve now grown weary of roster sheets data cards and some of the more « amusing »  character traits ascribed to colonial officers. 

So then back to my own buggers muddle, my Frankenstein like mishmash of stolen ideas and ill thought through game mechanics. They’re probably crap…but they’re my crap…and if I really can’t recall the specifics of the terrain section on page 3 of 3 then I probably ought to accept that it’s over, call the nurse, and ask for the bedpan. I’m now on version 1.2 and the titles changed from “I don’t like it Sergeant - it’s too quiet”, through “Never mind the Bundooks” to “Bundooks and Bayonets”. They’re hex based, D6 ers, fire tables free and counters light (or lite as my American reader would have it) and they don’t contain nuts. 

Handsome fella ain’t he! Chat GPT knocked 15 years off my life and dressed me up as a colonial British East India Company officer which was jolly nice of it. Oh bless…look, actual hair on my head. I do miss you hair…Please come back.

My mutineers suffer from older weapons than their European opponents, fragile morale, and poor command and control, but they do not lack for pluck or intelligence and their greater numbers can often swing things in their favour.

Here’s a test game I ran with them last week.

The Indian forces surrounding Somerset House have set up several guns to bombard the defenders into submission. 

The 64th have exploited the breakthrough at the Mansanar bridge and the 1st platoon have advanced to within several hundred yards of the Somerset House perimeter. Their mission was to destroy the gun battery and seize or destroy two piles of supplies that the besieging force have looted from the EIC armory. Unfortunately their advance has not gone unnoticed and even as they close on their objectives a detachment of the 28th Native Infantry have been sent to block their path.

Three twelve man sections of the 28th Native Infantry advance to stop the company men in their tracks.

The card activation mechanic kicked the British in the teeth from the get go. A joker meant a random event and the 1D6 roll of 5 saw a conflict of interest arise within the Sikh troops on the right flank. They buggered off on turn 1.

Just as the normally doughty Sikhs were off to the shops the left wing of the Indian force benefitted from a double activation and made it to the camp full of arms and ammo. All they had to do now was hold against erm…well…erm, zero opposition.

In the centre of the field and advancing on the dug in cannon, men from the 64th press forward, backed by the forces command group. Each section has an nco that does all of the real leading. The command group act as a potential rallying point for figures that rout and ensure that the kettle is on at all times. 

The British capture their left flank objective while the Indians charge bravely at them. The Brits operate in 8 man sections and the natives 12 man sections. Two native sepoys were shot at close range (there is no wounding in my rules only “out off the fight”). If you think that might be an abstraction too far, I challenge you to pick yourself up and carry on fighting when a 30gram lump of lead has just hit you at 1000 ft per second. Yeah, thought not. The two guys with the yellow counters had near misses and are “shocked”. In the end of turn morale check they ran for it and the still intact group of four in the neighbouring hex followed in their wake since routing has a negative effect on those in neighbouring hexes. The British lads behind the crates will need to spend a turn reloading those muskets if they wish to fire again.

Having tested the musketry rules I moved over to the centre of the field for a shufti at the morale section. The Indians here have charged into a hex containing four British soldiers and due to some excellent  die rolling “slotted” all four of them. The other four British soldiers have turned to face them and would have no doubt avenged their comrades had not my builder turned up to give me a quote. 

Everything worked out very satisfactorily, so if things continue to go well with the testing I’ll jump back into my Mutiny campaign and finish it off (it’s only been a year since the last update) lol. 

In other news, no sign of my blue moon ECW lads (old glory UK seem, erm, a bit “laid back” shall we say about sending stuff out. When I contacted them last week by email I got a “oh yeah, I was going to get in touch and let you know I didn’t have one of the packs you ordered - any thoughts on what you’d like instead?” Despite my prompt return email, they’ve still not turned up. Sheesh…you’d think I lived in ruddy Kathmandu.

Catch you on the flip side.

A bridge too far - The batrep

It’s been two weeks since I played the game but I’ve been so busy breast feeding my baby chickens that I’ve not had a moment to commit the action to paper so to speak. This is the concluding game of my short VBCW campaign - pitting the defenders of Brompton against a Mosleyite force of black shirts. Game 4 of 4 saw the Brompton force attempting to destroy a bridge ahead of Edward VIII ‘s advancing army of the Severn Valley.

Arriving near the bridge the Brompton lads got off their bicycles, readied their weapons and split into two groups on either side of the road. The armoured car “unlucky for some” crept cautiously towards the bridge and following up behind was a lorry packed with TNT. The plan was relatively simple, the armoured car would flush out any opposition, the infantry would sweep the flanks and the lorry would be driven up onto the bridge and then detonated. The only fly in the ointment was that they had a mere six turns to reach the bridge before the lead British Army vehicles arrived, so they were going to have to get a wriggle on.

The black shirts were deployed in two of six random locations, and since the wife placed the counters I had no idea which of the six they were actually at.

On the right hand side of the road the Brompton boys and the armored car were relieved to find that no one was lurking behind the wall. 

On the left hand side of the road, things immediately took an unfortunate turn for the worse. The Brompton force ran slap bang into 6 of the ten man BUF defenders…with predictable results.

Despite the BUF retreating to the woods, within minutes those attackers that weren’t injured or taking cover were legging it off the board to be counted as losses.

The armoured car provided much needed fire support, preventing a total rout, but couldn’t hang around since the other defenders still needed to be located and suppressed before the regular army arrived at the bridge.

The brief respite did allow the Brompton flamethrower chap to recover in the nick of time, allowing him to barbecue a couple of BUF who’d run over to finish him off.

The armoured car pressed on towards the bridge only to discover Action Group leader Hartwell and three other defenders lurking nearby. Armed with a turreted MG it should have been curtains for the BUF at such close range…

But it was not to be. Hartwell had a grenade…and he wasn’t afraid to use it. With the best die roll possible  he damaged the armoured car enough for it to immediately withdraw instead of risking a protracted engagement and potential destruction. 

Pulling back off the road, it left the way clear for the lorry full of TNT to make a last minute dash for the bridge.

Too late! The first armored vehicles of the Royal Tank Regiment arrive on the bridge and open fire on the lorry. At this point I realised that there was no way the Brompton force could now reach the bridge to destroy it…but they still had a vehicle packed with TNT that could maybe block the bridge with a disabled tank?! Wedging a brick on the accelerator the driver leaps from the cab as the lorry begins to pick up speed.

And just then the gunner of the tank gets his eye in. The second shot finds its mark and a lorry full of TNT  becomes a cloud of smoke and a blast that shatters the windows in the distant cricket club. Hartwell was very close to the explosion and was only saved from serious injury by the wall. Some of his nearby associates were not so lucky! 

So that ended the matter pretty conclusively. The BUF’s victory in this mission gave them enough points to win the entire campaign, so Hurrah for the blackshirts, or boo hiss depending on your political leanings. I have a British army infantry and naval shore party force to paint up so I’ll probably return to Brompton at some point in the future but for now it’s on to pastures new.

It should be noted that the change in rule sets for this battle may have worked against the Brompton boys. Turns in Five Men In Normandy can be one of three types, an all firing and no movement turn, a cautious all movement turn and a regular turn with a limited number of figures allowed to move and fire. With a tight deadline for reaching the bridge the Brompton force spent too long bogged in positional firefights and unable to advance. Them’s the breaks I guess.

Next post will be 100YW related. I didn’t buy the Ecorsures rules for this as I’d planned because after a bit more digging I discovered aspects of the system I wasn’t that keen on. Instead I stumbled across a set from a gentlemen called Mr Atherton, on the interweb, which look cool - so I’ll trial them on here with a bit of a knockabout to see how they work on the table.

The15mm ECW is definitely now “a thing” but progress has been set back by the continued absence of my Steel Fist Miniatures test order. Going on their website to enquire as to their whereabouts I noticed that most of the Steel Fist range I actually want are suddenly “currently unavailable,” Another hour or so on the interweb saw me chance upon the Blue Moon / Old Glory range and I have now “invested” in them instead. They’re not as intricately detailed as the Steel Fist figures but it’s a pretty comprehensive range at a much more competitive price. 

They even do a camp set which looks pretty swish and I’ll most likely order the thing even if I haven’t got the slightest idea what I’ll actually do with it.

Two of the rather sweet little 4 Ground houses finally got built with a third still under construction. 

Okey cokey, I’d best be offski. It’s half four here and not a child in the house has been washed as my gran used to say. 

Behave yourselves until next time…and remember. Wherever you go - there you are.

A bridge too far - Game 4 of 4 & The law of unintended consequences

Soz to all whose blogs I’ve failed to comment on in the past two weeks, but that orange buffoon in Washington persuaded me it was time to go on another internet detox. Having finally girded my loins and summoned sufficient courage to come out from under the duvet, here’s another post.

The final game in my four game VBCW mini campaign beckons.

Situation fluff.

The BUF’s attempt to seize control of the vital Brompton industrial area has failed and Action Group Leader Hartwell and his merry band of blackshirts have fled the field.

“The Major,” Brompton Town’s military supremo, receives alarming news from a trusted fellow Rotarian in the Whatgoesup Aero Club that elements of the King’s Severn Valley army has left its barracks in Worcester and is heading east on the A21 towards them. 

Birmingham promises to send reinforcements to the town but the Major knows the only way he can delay the government force is to blow up the bridge across the  nearby river Stour. With no time to waste he creates an adhoc flying column and heads off with all the TNT the Public Works Department can provide.

Meanwhile, crossing the very same bridge on their way back to the safety of Worcester, the remains of Hartwell’s disheveled BUF Action Group are intercepted by a motorcycle outrider who brings exciting news. Lead elements of the 1st RTR are only an hour away, the spear point of a powerful force intent on crossing the Stour at the very bridge they’re currently standing on.

Hartwell reasons that if he can make a big show of “holding the bridge” for the regulars, he might offset some of the recently acquired damage to his military reputation. Hurriedly he orders his men to take defensive positions around the bridgehead.

The Brompton force has eight victory points from the previous games and the BUF have seven. The dice decided that for both sides this missions importance is high so there’s 5 points to be gained from the game and victory in the campaign itself to the side that wins this one.

The bridge over the river Stour. A bridge too far? I’ve resorted to my hexon tiles to create the none urban landscape needed for this scenario. The hex divisions will play no part in determining movement etc, just the general lie of the land.

I’m giving the 5 men in Normandy rules a run out here, because they were the original set I chose for the VBCW project and though I eventually sidelined them for the FFOL ones, I’m still keen to see how they work out.

The Forces.

The BUF have ten men a tank and an armored car from 1st RTR that’ll enter the board over the bridge on the BUF’s turn 6. The BUF infantry start in hiding at two of six locations, their position automatically revealed when the Brompton force comes within 6 inches of them. 

The Brompton force includes an armoured car 10 men and a lorry loaded with TNT. Either side will concede the mission if four or more men are lost.

The law of unintended consequences.

I had occasion to root around in the barn last week, (looking for an angle grinder as it happens), when I stumbled across a box within a box that hasn’t seen the light of day in about 6 or 7 years. A quick inspection revealed a 15mm Peter Pig pikeman with no head and a bundle of warning orders from when I was re enacting with Sir William Pennyman’s Regiment of Foote. Said pikeman, headless or not, is the last survivor of the great 15mm twin army chuck away, plucked from the ranks for a head swap that clearly never came to fruition. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that his colleagues were all mistakenly despatched to landfill, but have since consoled myself that without a head he couldn’t have heard me anyway. Phew. Also in the box were these…

Dear old “4 ground” - we hardly knew ye. Driven, somewhat ironically, into the ground this last 4 years…apparently. Must have stuffed them into my “never to be opened again” box a long time back. They look neat don’t they. Shame they’ll never be used, what with being ECW and 15mm.

Anyway where was I, oh yes, unintended consequences. Regular readers will recall that I purchased two Silkie hens last summer, one of which actually turned out to be a cockerel. As a bit of an experiment the wife and I took up a friends offer to use their incubator this spring and thanks to Eddie the cockerels unstinting and untiring efforts to fertilise everything vaguely chicken shaped (and even a few things that aren’t chicken shaped) we’ve ended up with these two.

Taa daaaaa… May I present Daphne and Gladys (or Dave and Gary depending on how they develop).  Since Eddie the cockerel has been “boffing” both Brenda the Pekin and Elsie the Silkie the odds are that these two are going to be Pilkie’s, but we’ll see.

But Broom I hear you cry aren’t you going to cunningly segue way back to the headless pikeman and the unintended consequences header using your skill with DJT’s “the weave” . 

Why yes ;-) 

Yes I am.

A prime reason to go back on the internet was to look up a YouTuber who I recalled had Silkie Pekin cross chicks themselves and while browsing I began to realise I’ve been following loads of YouTube channels that I barely visit anymore. 

One I ummed and ahhhed about deleting was a figure painters site (with a delightful West Midlands accent) who’d been doing Empress Miniatures 28mm Indian Mutiny range and had inspired me to start that particular project last year. Wouldn’t hurt to see what he was up to these days would it?

Oh bugger.

Yeah,  beautiful 15mm ECW sculpts from a company I’d never heard of. In light of the headless pikeman and the potential terrain already in the bag was this the universe sending me a message…? 

The question is, am I finally over my 15mm ECW colleywobbles? « Gives the matter 3 seconds of deep thought » 

Erm. Yup.

Order placed yesterday for some test pieces. Could be the next project I reckon. 

A fine body of men.

Toodleooh for now mes amis.

Hors de combat (temporairement)

Bit of a filler post this week cos I’m out of commission thanks to first world problems. 

The end part of our house has some massive wooden shutters front and back which make it comfortably zombie apocalypse proof but which require a degree of maintenance to keep in tip top condition. 

The shutters of doom, 3m square (whatever that is in old money) and that’s just one set. 

Long story short I’ve been using an orbital sander intensively for days on end and now have hands like cows tits. All of my fingers on my right hand are numb, in a way that I’d welcome if it were my brain, and that has meant no typing or painting in my so called down time. Some folks have the gift of being ambidextrous but I’m firmly right handed and it’s that one that’s copped the worst of it. I’d say my left hand is useless but it’s not actually that good. Come to think of it, along with my left arm it’s done little but flap lazily in the wind for most of my life. Ruddy useless, though I suppose it does add a certain symmetry to my ((coughs)) Adonis like physique.

I digress. The last game of the Brompton Campaign is sort of set up…but picking up toy soldiers and moving them around is a bit like operating one of those coin op amusement arcade claw machines, only the crane bit’s made out of ham. For my models sake I’m going to leave it a couple of days until I’ve walked this off. 

I think I’ll just move my Indian mutiny collection with all their delicate bayonets what could possibly go wrong?

Anywhoo. Seeing as typing this is a ruddy nightmare, what with sausage fingers and auto correct, here’s a bit of a post I’d prepared previously to pad things out against a dry blogging month, culled it must be said from correspondence intended for my granddaughter who hopes to live out here one day.

Soz if it’s jarringly out of context for a wargaming hobby blog but needs must when the devil vomits on your eiderdown n’est ce pas?

French Lessons #101

Everything you learned at school or in language classes about speaking French is wrong, and I do mean EVERYTHING. Don’t forget that the main use of the French language is to root out foreigners and only after that to transmit information. Subtleties and nuances in its usage abound, dotted around like linguistic land mines to catch out even those who’ve done 2000 consecutive days on Duolingo. (Bitter…moi…Non!)

Talking is of course essential and should be done through the nose at all times. But what to say? And how do you say it? You’ve assembled all the words for “things” in your intended sentence, remembered what their sex is so you can join them together with correct gender joining words, conjugated a Byzantine series of verbs and then altered the whole sentence structure so that adjectives describing ONLY beauty, age, goodness and size go before the noun (“le chat blanc” - the cat white in English, for example, versus “une belle robe”, a beautiful dress)… and after that, assuming you’ve managed it in the usual two second thought to mouth window, you’re good to go. Great you’ve managed grammatical perfection. 

Sadly, despite this mini triumph no one will understand you because you will have pronounced ONE of the words incorrectly and no one uses grammatically perfect french anyway… other than foreigners. Job done. You’ve been busted you filthy barbarian. 

(French people don’t say “oui” (wee) they say “oui” (way). Nous (we) is only written, in spoken French they say “on” and they never say the “ne” bit in “je ne sais pas” (I don’t know). Anything pronounced slightly off (even if the meaning is obvious) becomes entirely incomprehensible and must be immediately dismissed from the average mind Français.

Level two of language being used for rooting out étranger is the use of “Verlan”, the French version of Cockney rhyming slang.  How it should be used and when it is socially acceptable to use it is still a closed book to me but essentially it is taking a standard word like “fou” (crazy) and switching the letters around so it’s pronounced “ouf” (oof). I think it’s meant to imply that you possess subtle inner city wit or some such, but don’t quote me on that. It used to be pretty niche, but it’s even on tv now.

Last in this cautionary tale of vernacular mayhem are the words borrowed from elsewhere that don’t mean anything much but are just thrown into a sentence at random to indicate you are generally “hip”. Witness the new word… “wesh” which may or may not mean anything (it hasn’t yet made it to La Creuse where we live) and can be interposed between any words in a sentence with no apparent problem. I’m told it comes from North Africa if that’s any help.

French Lessons #102

Table manners. Essential knowledge. Never leave your baguette upside down on the table, it’s bad luck (it’s the one left out by the baker for the towns hangman, apparently). Never slice your baguette with a knife (what are you some kind of animal?) it should be torn into chunks, with your hands. I’m told it was because back in the day cutlery was considered insanitary, but to be fair, I’ve never seen a Frenchman actually wash his hands…

Cheese. There are officially 246 different varieties of cheese in France and apart from the blue and the Comte they all taste the ruddy same. If you are tired of life you might like to make this observation at a dinner party. On the other hand if you wish to curry favour, mutter that it has subtle notes of hawthorn or camomile. Never EVER take more of some you’ve taken a liking to. Another piece of cheese would be “seconds” and “seconds” implies the host did not feed you well enough in the main course (either that or you’re a glutton and should be socially shunned). Don’t forget to look askance at the host if the cheese board has an even number of cheese selections on it. For reference 5 varieties is considered the perfect number, anything more is just vulgar and showing off.

Cutting cheese (not a euphemism) is a science and again an opportunity to sort the social wheat from the chaff. Pie shaped cheeses should be cut into wedges (#obvs), log shaped ones should be cut into cylinders and triangular slabs of Bree are a bloody etiquette nightmare. Basically it seems you have to keep cutting pieces off at an angle till you are mid-way then you can cut perpendicular to the rind so that everyone gets a bit of the rind.  This way no one is left with just a firm piece of rind at the end. There you go. Crystal. Oh yeah, never claim to have had a nice cheese from Brittany. There is no such thing. They’re only good at salted butter up there.

Cheese do’s and dont’s.

Don’t say: “I reckon you can’t beat a nice bit of cheddar.”

Do say: “Have you tried the Ol Sciur with its fragrant blend of raw goat milk cheese, hibiscus, berries and rose petals?” (It is of course Italian, but you’ll be demonstrating your sophisticated European cheese palate to an approving audience).

There you go a wall of text, totally out of context with the blogs raison d’être. Blogging suicide according to those in the know. I must have a death wish.  

Righto I’ll be off now, but be warned, if you’re naughty I’ll know, and I’ll post another few snippets of this crap. lol.  

Heck, who knows, it may even prove useful should you ever find yourself on La Continente.

Leave us a comment if you can be arsed.

À la prochaine mes amis.